I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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