Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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