forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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