mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
