Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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