Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
