i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
