Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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