dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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