So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
