I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
