its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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