I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
