K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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