Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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