I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
