he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
