At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
