Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
