remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
