Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
