The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
one two three fourrrrnication!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
