Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
