I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
