Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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