I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you had me at cake vodka
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
