I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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