Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
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On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
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I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
did i just pee glitter
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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