She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
