You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
