dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
