I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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