I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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