you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
