sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize