oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
