Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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