I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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