My friends, they love my intelligence
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
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Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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