Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
