She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
where are you?
Hypothermia
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
