butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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