its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
