nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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