so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
