can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize