remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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