i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
