it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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