playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
