Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize