You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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