i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
