What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
