But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
