Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
