I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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