I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
