I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
