babies were throwing up all over the place
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
