So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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