Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
