He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
