I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
